Adoption: Interrupted and Anticipated
If you were to take a walk with our family down the streets of our city, you would see a lot of people making a lot of fuss over our children. There is pointing and laughing and taking of pictures and caressing of my kiddos’ hands and faces. And in the span of one hour, you would probably here the word “san ge” at least a hundred times. It is said with surprise and delight and awe. And it simply means “three”, referring, of course, to our three children.
We live in a country with a one-child policy (though there are exceptions if you have the money), and so having three children is almost unheard of here. We often get asked if our children are triplets, and though this sometimes annoys me because obviously they are not, I quickly remind myself that, in their minds and in this culture, triplets is a reasonable explanation for why we would have three children. Another explanation? We wanted a boy. I cannot tell you how many times people tell us, “You must have really wanted a son, because you had three children in order to get one.” And then they assume we’re done having children because, with our third child, we hit the jackpot. After two girls, we finally had a boy.
I hate this conversation. I hate hearing those words come out of people’s mouths. And though we explain to them that every child is a gift from God and that we love all three of our children equally, we are saddened that this kind of thinking is acceptable and declared as good. However, we know that, in the end, this isn’t a cultural or political problem, but rather a sin problem in need of the gospel. People are often surprised that we would love our daughters as much as our son, and they are shocked when we tell them that we would like to adopt. The fact that we would choose to care for the least of these, the unwanted girl or the imperfect child, is difficult for people to understand. But that’s because they have no concept of adoption themselves. They have no knowledge of the One who has made all of us in His image and is a Father to the fatherless.
A couple of weeks ago, as we were driving to the train station, our taxi driver (a good friend of ours) began talking with us about our children, asking us if we wanted any more. We told him that we would like to adopt, and he said that he knew of a family that was wanting to give away their baby girl. They already had two girls, and because this baby was yet another girl, they wanted to give her away so that they could try again in hopes of having a boy. This baby is one month old and unwanted. So our friend asked us if we wanted her. Our hearts broke, but we knew immediately that, should the parents decide to give her away, we would want to adopt her.
Unfortunately, we will not be able to. After doing some research and asking a lot of questions, we learned that private adoptions to foreigners are illegal in this country. Furthermore, the family told our friend that they are not interested in giving their baby to a foreign family. We are heartbroken, because we know that this little baby is still unwanted, and the chances of her growing up in a Christian home are very slim. However, we are thankful that we know about her, because it gives us the opportunity to pray for her. And so we are praying that the Lord would change the hearts of the parents and that they would want to keep their daughter. And we are praying that she would grow up in a home of love and care and that she would hear the truths of a God who loved and died for the orphan, who is us all.
This little girl’s story is a sad one, but her story is very common here. Babies are being aborted or abandoned because of gender, imperfection, honor, and country regulations all the time. And though we cannot adopt this one-month-old baby girl, there are thousands of babies in this country who are unwanted and uncared for, who will never know the love of a family or the love of a kind and gracious Father. We have always wanted to adopt, but the Lord has used this experience to confirm those desires. There are a number of different ways to care for the orphan, but we know that the Lord is leading our family to adopt. And so we have decided to start the process. And by start, I mean get on our knees and pray. The Lord is faithful to His children, and we know He will grant us His wisdom, direction, and provision. And so we are crying out to the One who has adopted us as sons, the One who has made us heirs with Christ, our brother.
We want to adopt because we want to care for the orphan. But we also want to love as we have been loved and to picture the gospel to a dying world. There is hope for that little unwanted girl. There is hope for our own children. And there is hope for us.
We pray that our family would reflect this hope. We pray that as we walk down the street, people would look at our family and see different genders, races, and cultures. But more than that, we pray they would see love - the love we have for each other, and the love of a God who is gathering a people for Himself from all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues. We know that our family will always attract attention here, but we pray that the Lord would use us to speak clarity into the confusion and truth into the lies. And we pray that the eyes directed toward us would one day be directed towards the only One who deserves all attention and adoration.
We live in a country with a one-child policy (though there are exceptions if you have the money), and so having three children is almost unheard of here. We often get asked if our children are triplets, and though this sometimes annoys me because obviously they are not, I quickly remind myself that, in their minds and in this culture, triplets is a reasonable explanation for why we would have three children. Another explanation? We wanted a boy. I cannot tell you how many times people tell us, “You must have really wanted a son, because you had three children in order to get one.” And then they assume we’re done having children because, with our third child, we hit the jackpot. After two girls, we finally had a boy.
I hate this conversation. I hate hearing those words come out of people’s mouths. And though we explain to them that every child is a gift from God and that we love all three of our children equally, we are saddened that this kind of thinking is acceptable and declared as good. However, we know that, in the end, this isn’t a cultural or political problem, but rather a sin problem in need of the gospel. People are often surprised that we would love our daughters as much as our son, and they are shocked when we tell them that we would like to adopt. The fact that we would choose to care for the least of these, the unwanted girl or the imperfect child, is difficult for people to understand. But that’s because they have no concept of adoption themselves. They have no knowledge of the One who has made all of us in His image and is a Father to the fatherless.
A couple of weeks ago, as we were driving to the train station, our taxi driver (a good friend of ours) began talking with us about our children, asking us if we wanted any more. We told him that we would like to adopt, and he said that he knew of a family that was wanting to give away their baby girl. They already had two girls, and because this baby was yet another girl, they wanted to give her away so that they could try again in hopes of having a boy. This baby is one month old and unwanted. So our friend asked us if we wanted her. Our hearts broke, but we knew immediately that, should the parents decide to give her away, we would want to adopt her.
Unfortunately, we will not be able to. After doing some research and asking a lot of questions, we learned that private adoptions to foreigners are illegal in this country. Furthermore, the family told our friend that they are not interested in giving their baby to a foreign family. We are heartbroken, because we know that this little baby is still unwanted, and the chances of her growing up in a Christian home are very slim. However, we are thankful that we know about her, because it gives us the opportunity to pray for her. And so we are praying that the Lord would change the hearts of the parents and that they would want to keep their daughter. And we are praying that she would grow up in a home of love and care and that she would hear the truths of a God who loved and died for the orphan, who is us all.
This little girl’s story is a sad one, but her story is very common here. Babies are being aborted or abandoned because of gender, imperfection, honor, and country regulations all the time. And though we cannot adopt this one-month-old baby girl, there are thousands of babies in this country who are unwanted and uncared for, who will never know the love of a family or the love of a kind and gracious Father. We have always wanted to adopt, but the Lord has used this experience to confirm those desires. There are a number of different ways to care for the orphan, but we know that the Lord is leading our family to adopt. And so we have decided to start the process. And by start, I mean get on our knees and pray. The Lord is faithful to His children, and we know He will grant us His wisdom, direction, and provision. And so we are crying out to the One who has adopted us as sons, the One who has made us heirs with Christ, our brother.
We want to adopt because we want to care for the orphan. But we also want to love as we have been loved and to picture the gospel to a dying world. There is hope for that little unwanted girl. There is hope for our own children. And there is hope for us.
We pray that our family would reflect this hope. We pray that as we walk down the street, people would look at our family and see different genders, races, and cultures. But more than that, we pray they would see love - the love we have for each other, and the love of a God who is gathering a people for Himself from all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues. We know that our family will always attract attention here, but we pray that the Lord would use us to speak clarity into the confusion and truth into the lies. And we pray that the eyes directed toward us would one day be directed towards the only One who deserves all attention and adoration.
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